Richard Campbell’s Says...

Following are some of the interesting quotes from Dot Net Rock’s infamous Richard Campbell’s SQL Query optimization session at code camp; Excellent talk, informative and entertaining. And yes, he is officially the 5th person who laughed at the autobahn joke, that’s pre-explanation!

Heisenberg uncertainty principle of SQL profiler “If you have measured it, you just modified it”

“We have the best query processor in the business”
-Speaking  about the SQL server 2005 query plans

“uh oh” is as informative as many database errors we get.

“There is no reason why we can’t do it that way, I’m just lazier”
-Answering an attendee on alternate query plan.

“You are the guy who told me that numbers start at 0 not 1, and 1 is the second number, why are you arguing with me?”
-On speaking with the dba on indices

“Consulting is con-game and intelligence”

“Computers are merely amplifiers; they amplify intelligence or amplify stupidity.”

“Anything which is worth doing is worth doing excessively.”

“If you do your job flawlessly, no one sees you anymore.”
-On IT guys being unappreciated for system uptime.

"Triggers are voodoo"

Coding under the tree - With Richard Campbell in the code camp